Vipers in Diapers: Sinful Children & How to Perfect Them

My guest post today comes from the famous and much-loved Chewy Mom, mother of five.  Her blog usually puts a smile on my face or a thought in my head.  I appreciate her warm spirit and honest questions.  Her story below is no exception.  Enjoy.

Chewy Mom: Vipers in Diapers

When Molly asked if I would write a piece about my parenting journey, I really wasn’t sure what I would say.  A couple of years ago, I did an entire series on my parenting journey away from Growing Kids God’s Way (which can be found here). 

What more could I add? But there’s always more!  Of course I have learned much in the last two years as a parent since I wrote that series…. 

Before my husband and I had children, a pastor-friend of ours was blessed with his first child.  He would brag about how beautiful, perfect, tender, sweet was this little son of his.  And then he would laugh and say, “Vipers in diapers!”  We would laugh along with him.  Yep, those babies—they look so sweet, but we all know that they have inherited our sinful nature, and all it takes is one middle-of-the-night scream-fest to let any new parent know that they have a selfish sinner on their hands.  Right? 

That was our mentality and world-view going into parenting.  I think my husband and I were suspicious about the intentions of our children, even as newborns.  And we knew we had a monumental task before us—to train those sinful ways right out of them.  Better not wait until those ways were ingrained and became habits.  Nosireebob.  Start from day ONE, letting them know who was in charge.  And so when we came across Preparation for Parenting by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, it fit our world view, and we were thrilled.  I devoured the book and tape series as soon as it landed in a brown package on my doorstep.  Even though my first-born son has Down syndrome, I knew that he still had a sinful nature, and I still had a job to do. 

My husband and I used every technique suggested by the Ezzos with great success.  Except for couch time.  That never quite made it off the ground in our home.  We fed by the clock, we kept our newborns awake after a feeding so the routine of eat-wake-sleep would be intact.  We popped hands and spanked bottoms.  We even purchased an unofficial-but-sanctioned spanking instrument.  We dutifully taught the interrupt rule and made sure that our children were a sheer delight to be around.  And I rose in the ranks to become a contact mom for the Ezzos, and even helped run their online forum. 

Fast forward a few years or ten, and my marriage began to struggle and nearly fall apart.  It was through that time in my life that I really began to understand grace.  Until that point, I think secretly I was trying to save my family—my husband, my children, myself—through my outward appearance and behavior.  My children behaved well in church and school, they said, “Yes, ma’am” and “No, sir,” and they were relatively kind to one another (in public).  We were godly.  Externally.  But our hearts and the inner workings of our family were tombs. 

When I was perfect, and when my family was perfect, why did I need Jesus?  I mean, really.  I would have said then that I was relying upon him and all, that I needed him to save me from my sins.  But was I truly needy? 

I was not.  And my children weren’t either.  I never allowed them the freedom to mess up.  And if they did, I was right there to punish them for it.  Never did I say, “You screwed up?  Guess what.  Me, too.  THAT’S why we need Jesus—because we mess up all the time.  Not only that, we’re going to mess up just as much tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the next.”  My “gospel preaching” was more along the lines of, “You hit your brother.   That’s sin.  I’m going to spank you. [ironically]  When you finish crying, go ask your brother to forgive you.  And don’t hit any more.  Got it?” 

My own behavior toward my children aside, the biggest shift in my parenting lately has been my understanding of exactly who they are.  Are they truly those vipers-in-diapers?  Or now, in very large clothing?  Or are they image-bearers of God himself?  If I start out with the paradigm that my children are evil and wicked, I will always view them and their actions with my radar up and with suspicion.  I will expect bad things and evil intentions from them.  But how different would life be if I saw them as children of a loving heavenly Father who are actually the image of Him??  Oh wow!  That really changes things, doesn’t it? 

I can expect the best from and for them!  I can praise them, knowing that they will do good things because good is in them and emanates from their very soul!  I can look upon their actions with praise, because they are reflecting God himself.  Sure, they’ll fail.  They do have my sinful nature, after all.  But their very core is GOOD! This attitude is not often reflected in the Christian, reformed circles of which I have been a part since the day I married.  But I am convinced it is the truth. 

It is a lie to view one another only as fellow sinners.  We are that, to be sure.  But the core of our being is good.  It is how we were made—in God’s own image.  We can’t help but reflect that.  Otherwise, how could pagans and little children do anything good at all?  And yet they can and they do, because God has made them to be like Himself. 

If I can wrap my mind around that truth, day in and day out, imagine how grace-filled and God-honoring my home could truly be!  Not because my children are behaving perfectly lest I punish them, but because I am expecting and looking for good at every turn!  And I am compassionate and understanding in their sin and weakness, not as someone who is better, more pure, smarter, or more godly, but as a sister in Christ who is also a daughter of a King and an image-bearer, and who also falls down and needs to be picked up, dusted off, tenderly held, and lovingly forgiven by my Father in heaven.