I Used to be Feminist/Egalitarian, But then Patriarchy Saved Me…

[This comment of mine, turned blog-post, comes from this excellent and interesting conversation here].

When I was patriarchal, I *claimed* I was previously an egalitarian [and/or feminist] prior to becoming patriarchal. In fact, that was part of my “testimony.” It went something like,

Prior to being patriarchal, I was selfish and disrespectful and a lousy partner. After I embraced patriarchy, I became much sweeter and more pleasant to live with. See, patriarchy is God’s way!

In retrospect, however, I was never a Christian egalitarian (at least not as described here). I was honestly just FOR MYSELF. I had no clue what egalitarian was! I was anti-patriarchy simply because I didn’t want anyone telling me what to do. In other words, I was profoundly selfish.

I think that’s an important distinction to make, because the egalitarian message is NOT simply that “there is no hierarchy.” That’s not really a message at all. The Christian egalitarian message is that we are all called to walk in the fruits of the Spirit toward one another: that husband and wife both need to learn to walk in patience, gentleness, kindness, that husband and wife both need to submit one to another, to love one another as Christ loved us, to respect one another as fellow heirs of the Kingdom.

So while I once was rabidly anti-patriarchy, I was also (though I did not know it) rabidly anti-Christ, in that I despised the idea of serving anyone but myself.

The Christian egalitarian message is not about, “not having to submit.” It’s actually the opposite. It’s very radical and VERY demanding of both partners. It is a radical call to love and serve. It is a radical call to prefer another before oneself.

There are many couples (most in America, I’d bet) who do not believe in gender hierarchy, but who are EMPHATICALLY not practicing the egalitarian message of mutual submission/love/respect. So just because someone doesn’t believe in gendered roles does NOT make them “egalitarian.” Just because I used to spit on the idea of submitting to anyone but myself does not mean I was once an egalitarian. It just means I was a bitch.

 Edit to Add:

Which also brings me to add the good things that patriarchy brought me.  Patriarchy caused me to have to take a long hard look in the mirror at myself, at a self who wanted no one but her on the throne, a self who trusted little (God or man), and who gave even less.  Patriarchy helped me learn to humble myself, to learn how to take a backseat, to grow in the fine art of not always getting ones own way as well as the fine art of living for someone else’s glory.

At the time, I erroneously thought that patriarchy was the only way to learn these things.  I now strongly believe that following Love’s path causes everyone, male or female, to learn how to walk in humility, gentleness, patience, and service.  The Law of Christ is Love, which does not need gender roles in order to show it’s face.

Patriarchy taught me to submit because I was a woman.  The law of Christ teaches me to submit because He is humble.  Love stands on stage when it is Love to do so, and Love takes a backseat when it is Love to do so (just as Love is a kind word as well as a forceful shake).  Love doesn’t check for gender, it just loves.   It is the fact that I am human and belong to Christ that determines for me that I must learn this impossible of impossibles: to love, because Love is His Way.